When you’re looking to work with a therapists or counsellor there are few things to consider and questions to ask before you start sessions with them. Here’s my top seven:
Do you offer a free, no-commitment phone chat before I decide to work with you?
This is quite a biggie. If you google counsellors in your area or therapists who specialise in the issue you’re experiencing and find one that you like the sound of, the next step will be the beginning of your therapeutic relationship: a phone call.
Many counsellors offer a 15- to 30-minute chat to a) ascertain what the issue is and b) figure out whether you’ll both be a good fit. Just like any relationship, the therapeutic one has to be one that you’re both happy with. And it begins from the moment you first speak on the phone.
It's difficult to define exactly how a connection is forged over the phone, but it definitely happens. And it happens in reverse, too. You might get a gut-feel about someone: listen to it. I listen to my inner voice, too. But mostly I’m scanning what you’re telling me to check whether the issues you wish to bring are within my limits of proficiency. If not, I’ll refer you on to an appropriate alternative. It’s about ensuring I can work with someone in a way that is safe for both of us.
Are you able to work with my issues?
If it’s not clear from their website or digital presence that a counsellor has experience working with the kind of issues you need to bring, ask. You might decide that you want someone in specialises in some way and the therapist might be able to signpost you on.
When are you available?
So, you’ve had a call, you’ve ascertained that this is a counsellor that you could work well with, but they’re not free on the days or times that you are. If this happens, check whether this is about room availability, and if so, explore whether you’re able to work online for the time being.
If that’s a no-go, too, it’s not the end of the road. Ask if they hold a waiting list, and if so, if they have any idea how long the wait is likely to be (they might not if they work in an open-ended way, but they might have a client they are working with who they know is coming towards the end of their therapeutic journey). If they give you a rough of idea of how long the wait is likely to be, and it’s acceptable to you, ask to join the list.
Is there anything I need to do before I start?
Some counsellors (me!) like to send paperwork out to clients before sessions begin. This is because we have to be registered with the Information Commissioner’s Office (ICO) and adhere to data policies so need you to understand what this means and we need to gain your consent to hold certain information about you.
I also like to send some information about the confidential nature of the work we’re embarking on and take some basic details in lieu of session one. I will also send out my counselling contract so you’ve got a chance to read and digest it before we meet and we can go through it together and you get to ask any questions it might bring up for you without feeling you have to speed-read it or feel put on the spot.
What will happen in the first session?
Lots of people feel anxious at the idea of starting therapy. Some of this anxiety comes from not knowing what to expect on a practical level. Eliminate this by asking all the questions you need. There’s no such thing as a stupid question. From where to park to what time to turn up, who will greet you, where you wait, what to bring… ask all the questions you need to. If it helps, email in advance so you don’t forget anything.
How frequently should I come for therapy?
The answer to this, of course, is it’s entirely up to you. You are the client, you have total say over how frequently you attend. But some therapists have recommendations/preferences that they might share with you. Some prefer you attend weekly to begin with, but there are no ‘rules’ about this. If you’re worried about cost and want to know what kind of financial/time commitment you’re looking at, discuss this up front.
How will I know it’s time to end?
I work with clients on everything from very short-term counselling (an agreed three sessions) right up to open-ended i.e. there’s no pre-agreed end date. There are so many variables to this, but essentially, you and your counsellor will negotiate an end date together when you feel the time is right. Ideally, this shouldn’t involve an abrupt or sudden end. Endings should be discussed and the end date worked towards. The ending forms part of the therapeutic relationship and is just as important (perhaps more so) than the beginning.