Therapy services in Orpington, Bromley and Kent

 

There's one issue that contributes to many issues I see in the counselling room every single day of the week. Loneliness.

Social isolation is making us sick. One study by the University of Sheffield showed that those who are lonely make more visits to the GP, citing a shocking statistic: roughly 3.7 million Brits feel lonely ‘often’ or ‘always’. Another study illustrated how loneliness can affect us on a cellular level too, contributing to an increased risk of obesity, dementia, high blood pressure and stroke. Research reported in Psychology Today also indicated that people who are lonely are more likely to experience pain more intensely so that loneliness was “significantly associated with an almost two-fold increased prevalence of both acute pain and chronic pain.”

Only the lonely – are you at risk?

Studies also show that the elderly and sick, people who live alone and immigrants are most likely to say they feel lonely. But another big group who report feelings of loneliness is teenagers and young adults, especially those who spend a lot of time on social media. It's thought that constant comparison between their lives and what they’re viewing online in terms of the lives of others can lead to dissatisfaction, low self-esteem and social isolation.

And to me, it feels like there’s a new demographic affected by the sadness of feeling alone in the world: people working from home. In 2024 a global poll showed that 25% of remote workers felt lonely, compared with 16% who worked onsite.

For those in roles that facilitate it, the working from home or hybrid way of working has really taken off since the pandemic. And for sure, it has lots of benefits. But there’s a downside. And it’s one that many feel, but don’t talk about: the isolation that people feel when human interaction – real-life, face-to-face connection – is missing from their lives. This is especially true for those who live alone.

When ‘chat’ is limited to typing a message or interaction means looking at a row of faces in a Teams meeting, we all lose out. That water cooler chat you used to have about a film you’ve watched, the quick catch-up about your weekend plans over lunch, the sly glance at a colleague when the boss is being demanding… these things don’t seem like much at the time, but they’re huge. They tell you: I’m not alone. I’m part of a team or work community. I have people to share experiences with. I’m connected. I belong. I matter.

Loneliness isn’t just a feeling or passing mood — it's a complex state that can significantly affect overall well-being. And the psychological and physical impacts of loneliness are profound.

Here’s a breakdown of the impacts of being lonely:

1. Depression and anxiety
   Chronic loneliness is a strong predictor of depression. People can end up feeling hopeless, worthless, or lose interest in life. Loneliness can increase social anxiety and general anxiety, making social situations more intimidating when they happen and reinforcing isolation. Basically, when it comes to social skills: use it or lose it. You have to have opportunities to flex that communication and interactivity muscle.

2. Increased stress
   Lonely people often experience heightened levels of the stress hormone cortisol which can lead to:

• • Poor emotional regulation
  • Increased irritability or mood swings
  • Physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, tiredness, digestive problems, stomach pain, muscle tightness and aches, back problems, dizziness, palpitations

3. Negative thought patterns
   Lonely people often dwell on negative experiences or perceived social failures. They can be prone to ‘glass half empty’ thinking and ruminate over things they feel they are doing wrong – this can often lead to sleep issues as this ‘chewing over’ difficult feelings inevitably occurs at night when you’re trying to relax (tip: no problem is ever solved at 3am – see below for more on sleep).Negative thought patterns can also look like:Self-criticism: Blaming yourself themselves for your loneliness, reinforcing feelings of low self-worth.
   Cognitive distortion: Interpreting social situations more negatively e.g., “No one likes me” or “I’m an idiot; I always mess up!” and “Of course, I missed that train/messed up that presentation – I’m just not cut out for this job”.

4. Poor sleep
   Loneliness is associated with poor quality sleep or disturbed sleep. This can, in turn, worsen mood and cognitive functioning – which doesn’t help any of the other feelings, nor the core issue of disconnection – who is going to want to ‘put themselves out there’ when feeling exhausted? And so a cycle continues.
   The way loneliness can affect sleep includes:
   • Lower sleep quality
   • More waking up and disturbed sleep
   • Trouble falling asleep

5. Decreased cognitive function
   Studies show that prolonged loneliness can:

• • Impair attention, memory, and decision-making – impacting your ability to do your job and leading to a greater risk of making mistakes, having accidents, making poor lifestyle choices (see point 6, below)
  • Increase the risk of cognitive decline and even dementia, especially in older adults

6. Unhelpful coping mechanisms
   To cope with emotional pain, lonely people sometimes turn to unhelpful ways of comforting themselves, activities to pass the time or numbing activities. This can lead to compulsive behaviours and might include gambling, shopping, self-soothing by hair plucking/pulling, skin picking or excessive grooming, engaging in risky activities and excessive viewing of pornography. Substance misuse is also a coping mechanism and includes:

• • Alcohol
  • Drugs
  • Overeating

7. Thoughts of suicide
   Sadly, chronic loneliness is a major risk factor for suicidal thoughts and behaviours, especially for those with pre-existing mental health issues

8. Poor self-esteem and low confidence
   Lack of social interaction can chip away at self-image and lead to feelings of being unloved or unlovable. These feeling of being unworthy become internalised and lead to negative self-talk, poor self-image and make the idea of socialising very difficult. In short, somewhat ironically, loneliness can lead people to further isolate themselves, either due to fear of rejection or lack of motivation and this creates a self-reinforcing cycle.

9. Impaired social skills
   Without regular interaction, you can lose confidence or skill in social settings, making reconnection harder.

10. Poor physical health
    Loneliness impacts cardiovascular health and can also contribute to cognitive decline and worsen illnesses like dementia. So much so, that in 2018 loneliness was identified by the government as a key risk factor in poor health outcomes and a Minister for Loneliness was assigned to help combat this through social prescribing schemes.

Combatting loneliness... what helps?

The fact is, we need to work as hard at creating a social life as we do at our job. By treating social health in just the same way as we would our physical health, and prioritising getting out and about and meeting others, we do both our overall wellbeing a huge favour. Finding hobbies you enjoy, joining groups linked with your interests, keeping in touch with friends and family and giving back by volunteering your time all  reap whole-life dividends.

And a final word about phones: use them as a tool for connection, not disconnection. Maybe give someone a bell.

It’s good to talk, right?

 

 

 

Image by Hello Cdd20 from Pixabay