5 simple ways to calm an anxious mind
Anxious? Frequently feel tense? Worried most of the time… or edging your way towards a sense of panic on a regular basis?
You’re not alone. Pesky anxiety – it’s such a pervasive presenting issue in the counselling room – and there are things that might help (and things that might not).
Anxiety is a future-focused emotion. People who are often anxious feel apprehension, fear and worry about some perceived danger or threat that they feel is going to rear its ugly head but hasn’t quite arrived. Being anxious means living in a state of preparedness for action and this sends them into ‘fight or flight’ mode (or the ‘Five Fs’ – fight, flight, fawn, freeze and flop), which means essentially the brain and body are preparing to deal with a life or death situation.We may not have sabre tooth tigers to deal with any more, but the parts of the brain that deals with threat responses hasn’t caught up, and modern-day stressors get treated in exactly the same way as ancient ones. Psychologist and author, Owen O’Kane, describes anxiety as “a signal that something inside you needs attention. Often it’s about overload, pressure, unprocessed emotion or living out of alignment with what you actually need.”
Of course, we all feel anxious at times and anxiety can be useful in circumstances in which we have to act in some way, perform to our best ability and prove ourselves, focus or be ready for something really important. Feeling anxious can encourage problem solving, improve productivity and boost cognition. And if you can channel anxiety, all well and good. But lots of people find that anxiety affects them negatively, causing sleepless nights, digestive issues, health problems, work performance, relationship complications and an over-reliance on unhelpful coping mechanisms, such as alcohol or substance misuse, gambling and other addictions.
So, if you find yourself feeling anxious in a way that impedes your life, why not try these five hacks that will calm your nervous system and help you to self soothe:
1. Take a breath
It sounds almost too simplistic, but when you’re in fight or fight mode, it’s common to shallow breathe – or sometimes even forget to breathe. This reduces oxygen intake and keeps the body in stress mode, reinforcing the danger messaging.
I’m not going to over-complicate this because people can become too focused on the simple act of breathing and start hyperventilating, but simply focusing on your out-breathe and making it longer than your in-breath is really effective at stimulating your vagus nerve, which signals to your body that you are in ‘rest and digest’ mode, i.e. no need to ring the alarm system and panic, it’s time to chill.
You can look at breathing exercises online, but another good technique is box breathing: breathing in right to the bottom of your tummy (try not to raise your shoulders as you inhale, focus the breath much lower down, into your lap) for the count of four, holding and then breathing out for four.
To make breathwork really effective, trying moving at the same time. Regular yoga, Pilates and tai chi all pair movement with breath
2. Use all five senses
When anxious it can be hard to stay in the moment, so try using all five senses to self-soothe. By getting in touch with your reality using sight, sound, taste, touch and smell you’re bringing yourself back into the ‘here and now’ – whereas anxiety wants to send you hurtling towards perceived threats that may be on the horizon in the future.
You do this by using:
*Sight – look around you: what can you see? Name 3 things you can spot. Notice the light. Look at pics of loved ones. Check out the horizon – what are the clouds doing? What’s that person wearing over there?
*Sound – what can you hear right now? Can you hear birds, train announcements, a snippet of conversation? Is there something you’d rather be listening to? Can you put headphones in and listen to soothing music or ASMR noises?
*Smell – what can you smell? Breathe in and try to name the aromas that come up right now. Are they pleasant or evocative?
*Touch – what can you feel? The edge of the chair, the ground under your feet, your toes in your shoe, a smooth surface? Can you run your hands under cold water or hold an ice cube in your hand or put a cold flannel on the back of your neck and spend some time thinking about how it feels?
*Taste – what can you taste right now? Is there anything you’d like to taste? Do you have something with you that could distract you: a mint, chewing gum, snack? There's some research to suggest sucking on a really strong sour-flavoured sweet can be effective.
3. Hum or sing
Singing is a powerful anti-anxiety tool. It stimulates the vagal nerve in a way that’s so effective I’m going to write about the benefits separately. But, the way I view it is that no one would sing if in danger, so by belting out a song, you’re signalling that all is well – and of course, it involves breathing, which is always helpful. If you can’t sing, hum. Honestly, it works.
4. Have a word with yourself
Believe it or not, telling yourself that you’re safe interrupts the fight or flight response and activates the parts of the brain that regulate emotion – but it’s not enough to just think it, you have to say it out loud. Studies from the University of Michigan and other institutions show that talking to yourself out loud helps manage stress and is particularly useful for reducing anxiety under pressure. Try it using a third person voice, i.e. “Janine is safe right now. She’s in control and is able to cope with whatever comes next” – and pair this with an action, such as taking a breath.
5. Massage your ears
Focus on your ears. Are you feeling tension in that area, perhaps around the jaw? Does yawning or sighing heavily help? Try gently pulling the ear away from the side of your head at different points. Does one side feel more tense than the other? Try massaging the ear area gently in small circles. Repeat on the other side. Gently tug and notice any changes in stiffness.
A different approach
When it comes to anxiety, the body often knows what to do, if you allow it. Crying, hugging (a loved one, stuffed toy, or yourself – or try a weighted blanket), talking with people you trust, walking outdoors in nature… these are all effective ways of self soothing. The aim isn’t to distract or stop yourself from feeling anxious: instead give yourself time, space and grace to process what might be underneath the anxiety rather than focusing on trying to stop it.
If, however, you find that nothing works, it might be time for another approach for your anxiety: ignoring it. Anxiety therapist and author, Joshua Fletcher, writes in Psychology Today that paying too much attention to anxiety can lead to an over-fixation on efforts to control it. He says that by engaging in external activities that take your attention away from your internal state, giving yourself permission to relax and stopping yourself from trying to force anxiety out of your life can be key. “Anxiety fades when you stop watching it,” Fletcher says.
My take on this is: address what needs to be addressed and if you’re still struggling with anxiety, build a life that’s bigger than the one you’re currently living.
And if you can’t? Let’s find out why…