Recent media appearances
I was honoured to be interviewed in Grazia UK magazine this month, talking about life milestones and the pressures we put on ourselves to achieve certain things at or by a particular age.
I see how this can be difficult for younger clients to navigate – especially when comparison is going on with their peers. In the counselling room I hear statements like 'I should be at this level at work now, earning this much' or 'I should be living with a partner by now' or 'I should have kids'.
While understandable (after all, I did it myself a few decades ago, as I admit in the article) this kind of thinking can lead to lots of negative self-talk and a lowering of confidence and self-esteem. With the wisdom of a few years and a lot of hindsight I can see how pointless these significant milestones can be – and how they can easily trip us up.
So, instead of using 'I must' or 'I should' statements, try being a little bit more open to accepting that life isn't a race to the end. Try to live more in the present; notice what's good about your life; journal and set intentions if you want – even map out how you'd like life to be and do some practical planning to see how you might achieve it. But instead of self-flagellating thoughts such as 'WHY haven't I done xxxx' look at what you have done. Reflect on whether another person's life would be a good one for you. Think about what makes YOU happy. And acknowledge what is within your control to change right now – and what isn't.
Don't let that big birthday dominate your thinking and influence life choices – and don't set your worth by what you perceive others to be achieving. Because as a wise man once said (and this is attributed to Mark Twain, Theodore Roosevelt and even Jesus, in varying forms):
Comparison is the thief of joy
You can read the Grazia article here