How to manage your energy levels when grieving or living with chronic illness

Do you sometimes beat yourself up or feel guilty or ashamed when you feel tired or low on energy and can't do the things you feel you should be doing?

Days when getting out of bed and showering or doing household chores simply feels like too much – leaving you feeling bad about yourself and giving rise to a hectoring inner critic that pipes up with negative comments.

This is very common in clients who have experienced a bereavement or who are living with chronic illness or who have caring responsibilities that deplete their reserves.

Time after time in session I listen to clients list all they have to deal with and then end with a 'But why can't I just go to the gym? I'm SO lazy...' or 'I know I should say no, and I didn't feel like it at all, but I did it, anyway because I felt bad and that I'd let everyone down, including me.'

Silence the negativity and think of spoons...

The Spoon Theory

The Spoon Theory is a metaphor devised by writer Christine Miserandino in 2003 to illustrate how people living with conditions like lupus and multiple sclerosis (MS) have to manage fluctuating energy levels. But it can also be applied to people living with everything from cancer to dementia plus those who are grieving after the death of a loved one and to anyone with caring responsibilities, too.

It goes something like this...

Imagine you have 12 spoons of energy to see you through the day. Some days, getting out of bed, showering, getting dressed, doing your hair and getting out of the house will take 3 spoonfuls of energy. Other days, when you're living with brain fog, pain and fatigue or an overwhelming wave of grief, those initial tasks will take 8 spoons:

*Getting out of bed = 2 spoons

*Showering = 2 spoons

*Dressing = 1 spoon

*Doing your hair/make-up/shaving = 1 spoon

*Leaving the house/remembering keys/locking up/getting in the car or travelling to public transport = 2 spoons

This leaves you with just 4 spoonfuls of energy to see you through the day.

That's really not much, is it? If you're caring for others or working, that's barely achievable.

What most people do is 'borrow' a few spoonfuls from the next day. Which means they're living in a permanent deficit. This is where unhelpful coping mechanisms come in: poor food choices, consuming excess alcohol, mindless scrolling online, lack of sleep hygiene, i.e. dozing on the sofa after dinner; substance misuse.

Often this leads to low mood, depression, anxiety and a lowering of self esteem if left unchecked over a long period of time.

So, instead, when you're feeling like you can't cope with what you feel might be 'the basics' of life, give yourself a break and ask yourself:

How many spoons do I have today?

Then use them wisely.

And if that means leaving the household chores, cancelling plans or not washing your hair, so be it.